Some students feel bad because they look different from others.なぜ気分が悪くなるのかが具体的でない
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Without a uniform, subtle differences in clothing can expose economic gaps between students, which sometimes leads to peer pressure or even bullying.服装の差が経済格差を可視化し、同調圧力やいじめにつながる過程まで書けている
Prison is the common way most countries try to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education. Do you agree or disagree?
Sending criminals to prison does not always work well and many people commit crimes again.「うまくいかない」「また罪を犯す」が一般語で、なぜそうなるのかが説明されていない
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Custodial sentences alone rarely address the root causes of offending, and without support such as vocational training, recidivism rates remain high.刑罰だけでは根本的な原因に対応できないため、再犯率が高いままになるという流れが伝わる
Although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
If people work too many hours, they will become tired and this is not good for their health.疲れる、健康に良くないという一般的な説明にとどまっている
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Beyond a certain point, extending working hours produces diminishing returns, as fatigue and burnout erode the very productivity that long hours are meant to boost.労働時間を伸ばすこと自体が、目的としていた生産性を損なうという逆説的な構造になっている
The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
このテーマでは、people talk less in personのような表現だけで終わり、何が失われているのかまで踏み込めない答案が見られます。superficial(表面的な)とsocial skills(対人関係の技能)という2つの語を使うと、その内容まで踏み込めます。
キラーワードを使わない場合と使った場合
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People use social media instead of meeting in person, so their relationships become weaker.「弱くなる」がどのように弱くなるのかを説明していない
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Interactions mediated by a screen can remain superficial, and habitual use may gradually erode users' social skills.関係が表面的にとどまることと、対人関係の技能が失われていくことの2段階で説明できている